Halloween: A cold, ninety minute walk around a suburb teeming with manic parents of chaotic children dressed as every imaginable thing that I never really needed to see, and don’t really appreciate, but have to smile at anyway, or be thought some other type of monster that can’t appreciate the fabricated “cuteness” of the little darlings. Add to that the challenge of keeping my own progeny’s “clothing” on their bodies for the duration of the marathon. The only upside is chocolate. Can I get a BAH-HUMBUG?
Nov
13
Oct
20
I Spy Something Brown
Have you ever seen one of those optical illusion photographs where the camera has pulled in so tight on the subject that you have trouble figuring out what you’re looking at? OK, now imagine two or three almonds, still in the shells, in a pile, with no background or frame of reference. Hold that thought.
Oct
05
A What-inator?
This one needs to be told in a script.
Phone rings. Thirteen looks at the caller ID.
Thirteen: It’s Uncle D-. I’ll get it. (picks up phone) Hello, this is Pizza Hut…..You want a pizza?…..You want cheese on your pizza? No, we don’t have tacos. You want pizza. Maybe you want an egg rolll pizza. (this continues for a several minutes) ok,ok, Are you here, mom?
Jun
27
Fast Thinking
Again with the cookies. I’m starting to think Five needs a 12 step program. This is not a new policy.
10:00 am the other day and she was already asking for cookies. I, of course, said, “We haven’t even had lunch yet.” Then I remembered that she had also opted out of breakfast. So, I said, “Hey you didn’t even eat breakfast. No wonder you’re hungry. Would you like something to eat?”
(Necessary back story–The adults in our family sometimes fast a day or so.)
Without missing a beat Five replied, “No, I’m fasting today.”
Jun
18
giant cat in a suit
I noticed something the other day that we all know, but it’s more fun on kids. We all have our areas of expertise and then those areas where we aren’t such experts.
For instance, although Five is under the impression that I use a razor to scrape soap off my legs, she knows all the princesses intimately. If you know any small females, you know the princesses I’m talking about. When I was little there were basically the big three–Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. But Disney hasn’t been idle, and I’m not really sure how many there are now.